hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
