ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Green mimosas i think yes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
