it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
