don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
