A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
