ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize