I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
