my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
