i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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