Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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