And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
