ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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