Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
