I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
