so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
