So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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