And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
