There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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