when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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