He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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