the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
