Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
