grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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