fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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