Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
