How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
