i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
