I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize