Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
did you just send me my own nude
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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