I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
