We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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