Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
where are you?
Hypothermia
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
