I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
