Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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