I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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