I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
