I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
