I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
