That's intense
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
