it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's like iHOP with fire
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
