no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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