I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
