Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize