oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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