Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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