you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
