she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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