You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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