Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
