i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
