My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
