i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
