Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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