I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
