Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
