operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
