I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he fucked my hip out of place.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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