and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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