3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hippo gnu deer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
