Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
