I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize