I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
