Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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