I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
