Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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