Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
