it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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